theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Alive.
So much puke
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize