Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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