What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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