my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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