You smell like a Billy Joel song
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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