A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My bed smells like the plague
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
