When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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