About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
