just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
