I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
