I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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