so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
