I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I smell stomach acid.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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