Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
