hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
