i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
