is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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