I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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