help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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