I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
