I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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