Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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