I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
