I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
