oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
