remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
