i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
fuck your aforementioned shoe
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
