He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
