You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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