Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
