I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
