I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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