You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
