she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
