my phone needs a breathalizer
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
