People in love make me want to vomit
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
