we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
