You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
