She said her name was "party"
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
