Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
