if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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