I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
