When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize