So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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