K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
