All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
