did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
