Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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