Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
