We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
His nipple licking is glorious
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