it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
