i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
