wanna go halves on a baby?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
