she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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