I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
