omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
