I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
