At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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