I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
is it fun? or sober?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
