i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
