i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
