I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
