Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
