the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
