i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
