I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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