that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
