u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
