There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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