Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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