His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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