i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
