Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
