I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
