I faked an abortion last night.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
