I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
even my farts smell like vagina
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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