Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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