His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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