you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
