i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
