wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so let's talk penis.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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