He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
