Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
