omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You smell like stripper and shame
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
